Kick-Ass

20

‘Does everything have to be about money? Jesus, man, why do people want to be Paris Hilton and nobody wants to be Spider-Man?’

It is something I find odd, the obsession with money. Personally I earn enough from my minimum wage job to pay all my bills and have almost half my monthly wage left over to waste on anything I want booze, drugs, smokes, loose women, fast cars. Anything. But I don’t waste it, I don’t like cars, loose women I happily enjoy ignoring, smoking is stupid why pay to cause yourself bad health and perhaps a horrid death? And, drugs and alcohol aren’t a priority because I’m not clinically depressed or hate being alive enough to turn to drugs and alcohol to alleviate the pain or boredom of living.

Lucky me.

Lucky, lucky me.

But I guess life for a lot of people is about money, how much they earn, how much they’ve got and how much they spend on stuff they want and stuff they don’t want. I’m of the mind that people spend and spend and endlessly spend to make themselves feel good and to make others feel bad. Bragging rights. We are by our very natures a competitive animal and if we can seem to be better than family, friends and acquaintances then we can be pretty darn pleased with ourselves. Especially these days with social media sites as a new kind of drug we can make anyone believe we’re experiencing life in ways much better than they are. Jetting off around the world, buying really expensive consumer goods, eating at the fanciest restaurants, and generally living it up, living life to the max.

After all most people want to be winners hardly anyone wants to be a loser, or even considered to be a loser.

The Kick-Ass character, Dave Lizewski, is a loser, he’s Peter Parker but not even as smart he’s a teenage boy in love with comic books especially superhero comic books and especially Marvel superhero comics books. Not for him a quick smoke, blow job and shag behind the bike shed with the hottest girls in his school no Dave’s to be found in a comic book shop picking up his favourite titles and discussing with his friends story lines, plot holes and whether Galactus as a cloud in the second Fantastic Four movie sucked or not.

Dave Lizewski is me, and not just the teenage me but the always and forever until the day I breathe my last me. And, he’s even more pathetic, even more of a loser, pfft, obsessed with a girl, idiot, who needs girls when you’ve got comic books?

Who wouldn’t want to be Spider-Man? Seriously. He’s got the proportionate strength of a spider, can flip and spin through the air, and a warning system informs him of danger. He’s awesome, though his life does suck. You’d want his powers but not he’s bad luck. I’d sooner be Spider-Man rather than being Paris Hilton, mostly because being Paris Hilton means I’d have to give up having a penis and go get a pair of titties and a vagina, seems like hard work and expensive I’d sooner be fictional.

A better example for Dave Lizewski to use, via Mark Millar, would be Will Smith or insert famous male person here. I confess when it comes to the famous, to celebs constantly in the public eye I have no idea of who they are. The Kardashians? I always think of the Cardassians from Star Trek when I hear their surname, and I have no idea who any of them are, if they were to walk past me in the street I’d be oblivious to their existences and more interested in my feet and the music on my iPod.

The world seems so empty and shallow obsessively focussed as it is on the lives of the rich and famous, and not even those famous for being talented in some arena but also those famous for being slutty or violent or any number of negative attributes and personality traits. It’s an odd world.

Within the early issues of the Kick-Ass comic book events make a kind of sense there’s a dorky looking loser teenage boy who can’t get laid so out of loneliness and desperation he buggers up his father’s life by attempting to become the world’s first costumed hero. On his very first crime intervention he gets his ass kicked, discovering his superhero name, stabbed in the abdomen and run over by two ladies not paying attention to the world outside the car’s windscreen because the world inside the car, a world of ME ME ME, is far more interesting to them.

In the comic book Dave Lizewski is a skinny average looking boy not one hot teenage girl will give him a second look, other than in mockery, but in the movie he’s played by Aaron Johnson a twenty something Hollywood actor and because of the way Hollywood works with it’s obsession with shallowness and looks Johnson is hardly skinny enough or average looking enough to be Dave Lizewski. Also, before the introduction of Hit-Girl the comic book is asking of its readers an interesting question and trying to answer it the best way it can but then along comes a little girl who trained by her comic book geek father is the world’s most badass little girl capable of out fighting adult males, in the movie she seems to be actually super powered able to run up walls and dodge bullets, but that’s the movies for you.

Shit!

Most of the time.

I’m not a fan of Mark Millar’s writing his heroes tend to be unlikable assholes and he, the writer, happily glorifies crime, all his comics tend to be very shallow and feel like movie yuppies I’ll try and explain further. In the movie Robocop there’s a yuppie character the head of the OCP Robocop project and in Die Hard there’s the yuppie character who pretends John McClane is his best buddy Mark Millar comic books remind of those characters and others like them.

I have tried to enjoy Kick-Ass, the comic books not the movie, on several occasions but I can’t.

 

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