Sigh! Where to begin? I fear if I started I’d be here ranting for the rest of the night. I wish I could explain to Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg what Preacher is all about, but I don’t think they’d get it. Maybe because they don’t love America. Maybe because they’re Canadians. Here’s what Preacher is all about, and the character Cassidy emphasises this several times in the original comic book storyline.

Preacher is about loving America. Loving the GREATEST nation on Earth. The GREATEST nation since forever. Now I’m not saying this because I’m an American, or because I live in America and LOVE it. I’m a Briton living in England always have, possibly, always will.

Preacher isn’t set in a lowdown one horse town. Jesse Custer’s dad was no Preacher, Jesse Custer’s dad was a fucking war hero. A badass. A take no shit ass kicking good guy. Jesse Custer’s dad was hard as fucking nails. Tulip she ain’t no badass assassin or criminal lady. She’s scared of murder. Lives in fear of violence and death, her fear eventually leads her into some pretty dark places.

Quincannon. Arseface. All these additions to Jesse Custer’s shithole of a town just made me bored. They’re supposed to be part of a greater whole not diminished by a story that already aims to be small.

Preacher’s a fucking road movie. It’s Kerouac’s On The Road only with loads of violence, the supernatural, a shit ton of swearing, Judeo-Christian mythology, and being amused at the word buggery or someone actually being buggered.

Preacher’s about everything we, non-Americans who love America, love about America. It’s about John motherfucking Wayne. It’s about guns, guns, guns. It’s about being able to drive for hours and hours and never actually getting anywhere. It’s about getting smashed out of your brains drunk and just beating a bunch of assholes to death just because they’re being assholes. It’s about New York City and big wide open plains the stuff of mythological westerns, The Searchers leaps immediately to mind. It’s about Clint Eastwood in Where Eagles Dare gunning down a million fucking Nazi’s a machine gun in each hand. Dealing death and not giving a flying fuck.

Preacher it’s about love, honour, betrayal, revenge and redemption. It’s about letting God know He’s done a really shitty thing and He’s gonna answer for what He’s done.

Preacher it’s about American pop culture and how it’s warped, twisted and changed the entire fucking world and not necessarily for the better but shut your fucking cake hole and get a burger down ya. Wash it down with a bucket of Coke.

Preacher it’s about how every stupid fuck in the world, yeah Islamic extremists I’m thinking about you, hates the place out of envy because it’s the one place on the planet you can truly be free and you hate it more because you want what it’s got you want McDonalds, and pizza, and Coke, and blockbuster Hollywood movies that cost more than some nations GDP. All those stupid angry fucks in Iraq, and Iran, and Syria, and even Israel, they really just want to be Americans living in LA-Land or Disney, somewhere magical, an impossible dream because that’s what America is it’s fucking Disneyland on acid and with more guns than there are people.

Preacher it’s about this: “Don’t take no shit off fools. An’ you judge a person by what’s in ’em, not how they look. An’ you do the right thing. You gotta be one of the good guys, son: ’cause there’s way too many of the bad.”

Preacher the TV series is just about a load of old bollocks. But hey what the fuck do I know? It’s just, you know how these days someone can present you with something, a TV show, a movie, whatever, a new fucking iPhone even though you’ve got the last model, so yeah present you with something but it’s shit but they convince you if you take a bite it will taste like the most amazing apple pie you’ve ever tasted but… you’re still eating shit.


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