Thanks For All The Cheese


I’ve got to say melted cheese is AWESOME!

I say this because I was happily tucking into my breakfast upon my arrival home from work and this mornings breakfast was a cheese toastie so I was chewing away thinking to myself ‘ain’t cheese great’ as I enjoyed every mouthful and my two cheese toasties became one and then none I wished for another cheese toast, fortunately because the loaf I bought was smaller than the regulation size I’d already prepared another two cheese toasties. It’s moments like this that make me appreciate my life, there’s only good things in it and not really any bad. I’m one of those fortunate sods who sails happily through life without cause for concern or drama.

Weirdo? Yep I certainly am that but from my perspective it’s the people who have concerns and dramas who are weird. I’m often thinking to myself, while interacting with other people, weirdos. Fortunately my interaction with other people is kept at a pleasant minimum.

I can truthfully admit I like melted cheese more than I like people, cheese, especially when it’s melted in a toastie or on pizza just makes moment after moment so much better than normal but people, so I’ve observed, just make each moment almost unbearable. I don’t know what’s wrong with people but I do have a few ideas along the lines of people being sociopaths, nut jobs, drama queens, arrogant egotists, stupid crazy fools and bigoted ignoramuses. But cheese, especially melted, is just AWESOME!

I’m not sure if anyone can present a cogent argument proving that people are better than cheese, especially melted cheese, because I just don’t see how anyone can claim people are AWESOME! Melted cheese just is, people just aren’t and so cheese, especially when it’s melted is just better than people. I think that’s something a scientist would say is a theory and we non-scientists would claim is a fact.

If you think about it rationally, like Mr Spock apply logic, then cheese, especially the delicious melted variety, is so much better than people, individuals and a mass collective, cheese has never started and fought a war, cheese doesn’t rape children, Donald Trump isn’t cheese he’s people, well maybe. When Jesus Christ (yes I know he’s a fictional creation but let’s be honest who isn’t?) said the meek will inherit the Earth he was speaking Aramaic and the Aramaic word meek actually means cheese in English, so cheese, especially when it’s delightfully melted, will one day inherit the Earth, though at the rate people are fucking it up there won’t be much left to inherit.


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