Yeah I know I should probably get out more meet people instead of being a geek/nerd and wasting my life binge watching TV shows and obsessing over movies and comic books but the truth is I don’t like people, I really don’t like people, they’re weird and seem crazy to me and sometimes when I’m spoken to I fail to understand what has been said and this leads to misunderstandings and awkward situations, plus I don’t particularly enjoy speaking I’d sooner communicate with other people via the written word. Though English is my native language I do have a hard time understanding English people, their ways do really seem strange and their version of written English indecipherable to me. Maybe I should try harder but I’m too lazy, well just can’t be bothered, therefore I end up having a great deal of affection for the entertainment that swallows whole all my spare time.
I should have wrote this after watching Star Trek Beyond but it’s the summer holidays here in the U.K. and I don’t go to the pictures during the school holidays I have had a few unpleasant experiences plus I’m no fan of crowds, especially those involving parents and their kids. Parents with their kids are of course people and people are probably my least favourite thing if people make my favourite list at all, hmm, now that I think about it people are number one on my not favourite list. But this is supposed to be about Star Trek, enough of my confessions.
Star Trek, like a lot of other pop culture icons, is something that takes up a lot of my time, thought process wise, Star Trek is something I have a great deal of affection for and find immensely entertaining. Even all the poor and boring episodes. As a science fiction fan I find there’s not a lot of good science fiction out there especially not in TV and movie land and I end up enjoying, loving in some cases, bad science fiction.
Anyways I’m writing this having watched Star Trek TOS season one and JJ Abrams Star Trek and Into Darkness and once again I got to thinking about Star Trek movies and the best and worst of all the movies.
I’ll start with the worst and work down to Wrath of Khan, obviously the best and no reason to pretend otherwise.
Star Trek: Nemesis. Unfortunately TV Star Trek TNG was INCREDIBLY boring. Don’t get me wrong I still watched and enjoyed every episode because it’s science fiction and I’m a geek/nerd. The TNG movies were also kinda boring, and seem cheap when viewed in this day and age. Nemesis has a story that is far too convoluted for the Trek universe it’s written very much like a modern day movie and like modern movies contains far too many contrivances. The cast, the crew of the Enterprise, look tired and hoping for the entire tale to be quickly over.
Star Trek: Insurrection. Again the TNG crew are really boring in a really boring story that could have actually been really interesting members of Starfleet conspiring with an ally to rob a civilisation of a valuable resource it’s almost like the real world only less interesting regardless of the faster than light starships and laser pistols. Due perhaps to a lack of budget and poor action choreography the action scenes when they happen look no better than action scenes from the TNG series.
Star Trek: Final Frontier. For me not only a disappointing Trek movie but a Trek movie with a really interesting idea throughout TOS the crew of the Enterprise encountered many strange and supremely powerful, almost godlike, beings so it’s nice to have a similar theme in this story. Though it is kind of a cop-out that the story doesn’t end with the discovery of God if done properly it could have been furiously fascinating to have Kirk and Spock meet God.
Star Trek: Generations. The meeting between Picard and Kirk should have been epic instead it was incredibly dull. We should have had a proper enemy, the Gorn perhaps? How great would it have been to watch an old Kirk battling, bare torso, with a Gorn? Answer: very great.
Star Trek: First Contact. The TNG crew were too boring to carry a movie, they really were and though the Borg could have been an interesting villain, Trek’s answer to Dr Who’s Daleks, they were never used correctly. In my opinion. Plus time travel sucks because the people who write time travel stories don’t understand time travel and it’s many varied complications.
Star Trek Into Darkness. I know most Trekkies would claim this movie as the worst Trek movie and I understand why it relies on Trek history without actually having built any with this cast and Enterprise crew. But it’s a good looking movie with some excellent action sequences and it’s these factors that make it, for me, better than the movies ranked worst than it on this list. Benedict Cumberhatch is no Ricardo Montalban there’s no threat from Benedict’s Khan no gravitas, plus there’s no use of classic literature my favourite moment in Wrath of Khan is the Moby Dick, Captain Ahab, quote by Khan after his defeat by Kirk. Also Kirk’s sacrifice is in no way as emotional as Spock’s, the death of Spock makes me weep like a little baby every time I see it plus Kirk’s death is another cop-out it doesn’t even lead to a search for Kirk movie plot he dies and resurrects within minutes. Also, and I know I’m moaning, but NuTrek hasn’t been about… ‘five year mission to go where no one has gone before’ thus it lacks an element that made TOS so awesome, to go where no one (or no man) has gone before only to find humans on every planet they visit, cracks me up all the time.
Star Trek: The Motion Picture. I have some love for this movie. I like the design and I have fond memories of Trek returning after not watching episodes of the series for a few years it was nice to have the Enterprise and her crew back and it was nice to see the story being reminiscent of the TOS episode The Changeling and I also liked the idea that one of the Voyager probes could merge with an alien device and return to Earth only to threaten it.
Star Trek: The Search For Spock. Is a big bag of barmy. Spock transferred his essence to Bones, what the fuck? And David, Kirk’s son, ends up dead after only just getting to know his father. It’s too much, it’s like watching a British soap opera, I have a son I never knew I had he hates me then learns to love me oh no now he’s dead. And woe.
Star Trek. Or NuTrek. It’s not really Star Trek, it doesn’t feel like Trek it doesn’t look like Trek, some of the time, instead of a Trek movie for us the loyal, and possibly deeply disturbed fans, we instead got a Trek movie for the idiot masses, I know fucking sigh! But that’s where the money is, unfortunately, it’s why everything I loved, still love, as a geek/nerd has been stolen from me by the mainstream and made into something barely recognisable. But hey you’ve got to make do with what you’ve got and so Trek becomes an action movie instead of a science fiction movie. It’s fast, it’s fun, it’s also all kinds of dumb and the interior of the Enterprise, what the fucking fuck, I want the Enterprise back Q damn you. Shakes fist randomly in the air.
Star Trek: The Voyage Home. It’s crap but it’s fun crap. Having been reunited with a now at the right age Spock, but without all the emotional faculties of original Spock, the crew of the Enterprise, the characters that matter at least, end up in 1980’s America and hilarity ensues. This movie should have led into a new TV series, Kirk and his well known crew trapped in the 20th century for a good five seasons not really having outrageous science fiction adventures but instead being fish out of water trying to relate to us crazy 20th century humans, okay we’re 21st century humans these days and even crazier, has anyone else from the 20th century noticed that?
Star Trek: The Undiscovered Country. Probably THE best story of any Trek movie a perfect Trek movie. Everyone’s older, less wise remarkably, and it’s THE last proper Star Trek movie, well Star Trek anything, the TOS crew far too old to make another story work, and what a shame people have to grow old I wanted TOS movies to last as long as I was alive. Maybe one day technology will advance to a point where we can have new adventures of the TOS crew their images digitally captured and events in between the last episode of the series and the Motion Picture can be realised. But that’s not today. Fortunately we have this end of series AWESOME movie the crew leaving the Enterprise behind on a bang and not on a disappointing whimper. This movie features one of my favourite moments from any movie the moment Kirk responds like this:
Star Trek: The Wrath of Khan. Not only a great Trek movie, the best, but a great movie. It’s got everything I love about Trek, the Kobayashi Maru, Klingons, Chekov, the return of a forgotten enemy and Khan is the best enemy Trek’s ever had, it’s got the Vulcan nerve pinch, the mind meld, ‘the needs of the many outweighs the needs of the few or the one’, and my favourite quote from all Trek movies ‘to the last, I will grapple with thee… from Hell’s heart, I stab at thee! For hate’s sake, I spit my last breath at thee!’
Yeah I love Star Trek it’s one of my favourite things in the entire world and though I’m no Trekkie, unfortunately, I still have such love for the TV shows, animated series, novels, comic books and movies but not the video games because I’m no gamer, I suck at playing games. Fortunately I also love Star Wars, Flash Gordon, Buck Rogers, Dr Who, Battlestar Galactica and everything science fiction-y no matter how good or how bad because I’m a geek/nerd the good stuff warms the cockles of my heart and the bad stuff gives me the excuse to moan.