Movie Madness: July


I love movies but I’m not a fan of modern movies I find them poorly written and badly paced. Also I’m no fan of the lack of imagination that exists (especially in Hollywood) and all the money that’s wasted on movies these days with all the crazy technology available to movie makers why are most of the big blockbusters prequels, sequels, reboots and re-imaginings? Why not as filmmakers and storytellers be inspired by other movies, by books and comic books and TV shows and then make something original instead of just churning out such unimaginative turds? I do realise the answer to my own question movies using the title of something that already exists allows movie studios to present to an audience something they’re already familiar with or have heard of, for example new Star Trek movies aren’t Star Trek but by using the name it’s comforting to a cinema audience they’re aware of the pop culture phenomenon already though they might not have watched a Star Trek TV series or movie before.

I’m probably in a minority when I claim modern movies are poo but I don’t care life (well my life) isn’t a popularity contest, in fact I’m happier being unpopular than being popular, being popular wouldn’t sit well with me, it would probably make me sick. I’m the type of geek/nerd that when I discover other non-geek/nerds watch, and like, the stuff I watch and like suddenly I don’t like it anymore case in point Arrow, The Flash, Game of Thrones. Although, and let’s be honest, Arrow and The Flash had one good season each and then descended into romantic soap opera nonsense instead of offering hard hitting dark desperate crime fighting, in the case of Arrow, super heroics and in the case of The Flash bright happy future science fiction super heroics. Game of Thrones has been for me a big pile of boring except for moments of magic when the White Walkers have reared their ugly heads. It’s fantasy Jim, but boy is it fucking boring concerning itself with real world politics, machinations, power plays instead of dragons and undead nightmares. I want fantasy, proper geek/nerd fantasy, quests and magic, dungeons and, well you know, dragons. So yeah I watch Game of Thrones but I mostly don’t enjoy it once it’s over and done with I won’t watch it again or re-read the books. It’s fantasy for people who don’t watch fantasy. The same with Arrow and The Flash it’s Green Arrow and The Flash for people who have never read Green Arrow or The Flash, I stopped watching Arrow two seasons ago and I didn’t bother with the second season of The Flash, people in love triangles, characters breaking their heart due to unrequited love, family members assumed dead suddenly popping out of the woodwork, people with something important to say deciding not to say it’s far too girlie for my liking I like my superheroes without the romantic drama.

Hmm, that sounds sexist, fuck it, I probably am.

I was inspired to write this post, and perhaps monthly movie posts, by buying and browsing the latest issue of the movie magazine Empire, for years I used to have a subscription to Empire first by post and then delivered to my iPad but for the past year or so I’ve not read an issue of Empire and I wasn’t impressed, AT ALL, by the latest issue.

Movies are a fascinating entertainment medium surely someone could forge an interesting movie magazine that examined different movies, especially genre movies, and offered fans interesting insights and opinions. I would like an explanation as to why movies, especially big blockbusters, are more than two hours long these days and in-depth look into why Hollywood doesn’t like writers.

I’m not that person to write anything insightful or interesting, I’m a fucking idiot, I’d sooner find read a magazine or blog that offered me these insights and analyses. An Aintitcool that instead of bumming crap movies investigated why these movies are crap.

During the writing of this, at work, I watched Shaun of the Dead, directed by Edgar Wright who has, in the past, claimed to have an interest in remaking the AWESOME British monster movie Gorgo, but so far that remake hasn’t materialised. Now when I read or watch stories I want to be able to relate to some of the characters and be offered life lessons, the lesson in Shaun of the Dead is this:

Love and cherish your family and/or friends because when they’re gone that’s it the end.

Shaun of the Dead is my favourite zombie movie and I do watch a lot of zombie movies and I like a good post apocalypse tale. The reason why Shaun of the Dead is my favourite zombie movie is because the characters are a pretty decent bunch and it’s set in Britain, I like movies set in my homeland and yet I’m not a fan of modern British movies or TV shows, except for Doctor Who. Also it’s possibly, in my opinion, the most honest British film capturing almost perfectly the nuances of everyday British life, other British movies tend to be of extremes impossible for me to relate to because they seem hellbent on focussing on criminal life or kitchen sink dramas that are meaningless to my meagre existence. I could wax lyrical about Shaun of the Dead and why it’s one of my favourite movies blog post after blog post, thousands and thousands of words devoted to the movie but I won’t because that might be even more boring to you the reader than these words are.

I’ve also, at work, watched a bunch of other movies this July and here’s a list of movies viewed:

1 Taxi Driver

2 Lincoln

3 Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter

4 Krull

5 Wanted

6 Aliens

7 Aliens 3

8 The Pact

9 Blade

10 Blade 2

11 The Wolverine

12 Van Helsing

13 The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

14 RED

15 Odd Thomas

16 Shaun of the Dead

17 The Squad

18 For Your Eyes Only

19 Octopussy

20 Renegades

21 A View To A Kill

22 Rec3: Genesis

23 The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

24 Die Hard 2

25 Star Trek

26 Star Trek Into Darkness

27 Galaxy Quest

I don’t usually get the time, hmm, let me rephrase, I don’t usually MAKE the time to watch movies at home, I hardly ever switch my TV on when I’m at home and if I do it’s to binge watch a TV boxset rather than to watch a movie but at work I’m happy to watch movies and I do get the chance to do so when I’m on a night shift. I usually like to watch horror movies and before Britain decided to Brexit I’d buy a pile of horror movies on DVD from my local HMV kick back at work and watch them but since Brexit Britain became a nation ruining reality I’ve started to be less frivolous with my meagre earnings believing that food and utility prices will rise and so no new, and old, horror movies for little old me.

I do enjoy a good, and sometimes a bad, horror movie.

The rumour is the classic horror movie and best slasher Halloween is to be remade once again but this time with creative input from legendary film maker John Carpenter, creator of the original movie, and a return of Michael Myers to a force of (super)nature rather than a run of the mill serial killer asshole.

There’s some talk, maybe, in Hollywood of rebooting the X-Men movie franchise, why? I don’t have a fucking clue. The X movies are for me average, though I do really like Days of Future Past, I haven’t watched Apocalypse, and the reason they’re average is because the characters are weak, they’re weak in the comic books that’s why only Wolverine has been able to hold his own as a solo series. Superhero comic books have never, not really, been well written not as well written as a popular novel and the reason behind that is because the characters are owned by a corporation and writers are limited to what types of story they can tell and the other reason is writers in comic books tend to be really poor and not have much of a grasp of how to write compelling complex stories and interesting flawed characters. Superheroes tend to be too perfect when really they’re all bastards with a huge amount of neuroses and psychoses, rarely touched upon by writers because superhero comic books are for kids not intelligent, and semi-intelligent, adults.

I speak from a base of knowledge I am by my very own definition a massive comic book geek, especially a DC and Marvel geek, my brain is full of superhero tales and I’m obsessed, I guess, with Superman. I’m not claiming anything that isn’t true, I do find most superhero comic books to be very poorly written, but I still enjoy them regardless of the lack of compelling plots and narratives.

My favourite movie genre is probably the horror genre it’s the least appreciated of movie genres the movies are usually cheap, poorly written, badly acted and directed but they can be very entertaining and usually the monster or bad guy is more appreciated by horror fans than their victims or the hero are which can be a bit disconcerting and takes some getting used to. The only hero emerging from the horror movie genre is Ashley Williams of the Evil Dead movie, and TV, series and he’s a buffoon, happily so, the rest of the iconic horror characters are indeed the monster or killer and this has always been so from Universal’s Dracula and Frankenstein movies to the 20th century icons Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger.

Here ends July’s movie madness, a few words shared about movies, mostly moaning, hey I’m British it’s all we do.



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