War of the Worlds

 ‘The chances against anything man-like on Mars are a million to one,’ he said.

I’ve found myself investing (wasting) great chunks of my day in the different War of the World stories from HG Wells original to Alan Moore’s League of Extraordinary Gentlemen volume two to Alan Davis’ Killraven to Spielberg’s Tom Cruise starring movie. And it’s a terrible movie. I don’t know why I make myself suffer so perhaps I’m a glutton for punishment. The worst thing about the movie is the characters, come the apocalypse I meet anyone like them and I’m caving their heads in with a hammer, or my trusty baseball bat. Then I’ll probably cook ‘em on my gas stove and eat ‘em.

The movie begins with Morgan Freeman reciting almost word for word the opening of the Wells original from there the movie moves on to tell the story of Tom Cruise’s character, Ray Ferrier, a cargo crane operator who also happens to be the only person alive allowed, by Law, to drive super ridiculously fast through the streets of Brooklyn. To some people Ray’s very popular and highly regarded though not with his ex-wife and new husband and not with his eldest child, his son, because Ray’s an asshole.

The movie also stars Dakota Fanning, what happened to her? And other movie stars? One minute they appear in just about every movie I watch and then POOF! They’re gone forever.

I know people are flawed, like there has always been something massively wrong with us since our most humble of origins, perhaps it’s because no matter how hard we try, and deny, we’re just animals at the end of the day but you know when you become a parent try not to be. I’m sick and tired of (some) parents, their idea of parenting stinks, you have a kid it becomes your everything and you change, or suppress, your dick like behaviour whenever you’re around your kid/s, but nope instead (some) parents continue acting like dicks because they believe they ARE the centre of the universe, that they are IT, not realising that they’re actually just SHIT!

Ray Ferrier can’t stop being a dick/asshole it’s too ingrained in his psyche for him to ever give up. He’s one of the most annoying characters I’ve ever seen in a movie before and such a frikkin’ know-it-all, characters, real and imagined, like Ray Ferrier shouldn’t be allowed to have kids, governments NEED to introduce a baby licence, you need one for a car why not one for a kid? Applying for the licence would result in those not deemed worthy of being a parent being sterilised and those who flout the law and reproduce licence free should have their kids taken off them, a prison sentence and sterilisation. It’s something that any rational reasonable society would have introduced a thousand years ago, or more.

Ray Ferrier appears to be an expert in many things meteorology, electro-magnetism, car mechanics, and military tactics, he’s the only character in the entire movie who can dodge the Tripods’ heat-rays and exploding cars and buildings and he can also predict the immediate future. He’s like a superhero, only better.

war-of-the-worlds-2005

There should have been a War of the Worlds 2, Tom Cruise and a bunch of badass US Marines get sent to Mars by NASA to take the war to the enemy, all the other characters would die, naturally, except for Ray Ferrier, who would not only survive and escape Mars but also have killed the enemy. If of course the enemy in Spielberg’s version of War of the Worlds ail from Mars.

Or if anyone deems it necessary to make another War of the Worlds movie I hope it’s Marvel Studios and I get a Killraven movie, or TV show, now that would rock.

Unless of course it turned out crap.

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