Movie Madness: August


 1 Stake Land: My first movie of a new month just had to be post apocalyptic horror, I was inspired to re-watch this movie due to a new TV series from SyFy Van Helsing that kind of reminded me of Stake Land. The first thing that becomes apparent about this movie is it looks damn good and the second thing is the vampires look more like creatures from the first Evil Dead movie, they’re pure evil and they look it, they’re not beautiful or sexy these vampires are the stuff of nightmares and they eat babies.

I find post apocalyptic tales funny, not laugh out loud pee my pants funny but funny in a dark humour kinda way, the protagonists in such tales aren’t in peril just from the horrors that have conquered the world they’re also in peril from people just like in the real world every time we step outside some crazy or evil or just absent minded dick could end our lives we’re constantly in peril we just don’t notice.

I like Stake Land it’s a good vampire movie and a bleak post apocalyptic movie but with little moments of hope. There’s supposed to be a sequel this year The Stakelander which is a terrible title Stake Land 2 would have been much better but it’s a SyFy original so I’m not holding out much hope for the sequel being as good as the original.

2 Uncaged: Is a werewolf movie. Weeks ago I had made plans to watch a series of werewolf movies and then blog about them but then Euro 2016 happened and I spent more time doodling and reading and so I completely forgot about my previous plan and now I’m too disinterested to write specific posts about a bunch of werewolf movies I’ve never seen before because to be honest they’re not very good. Uncaged isn’t that bad to be fair, it’s low budget and it shows but it’s okay(ish). Though I wouldn’t recommend a viewing.

3 Cursed: Has been around for a good decade but I’ve not watched it until now I’ve always figured it was one of those teen romance movies and I don’t watch those kinds of movies. It’s written by Kevin Williamson and directed by Wes Craven both had a hit with Scream. Williamson also wrote a few other teen angst horror movies I Know What You Did Last Summer and Faculty and created the TV series The Vampire Diaries, personally I find it a little creepy when adults seem so obsessed in making teen movies and TV shows, I know teens desire shows about people their age but those shows usually have men and women in their twenties and thirties portraying the teen characters, it’s really very creepy like kind of kiddie fiddling creepy. I prefer adults to create entertainment aimed at adults, let kids entertain kids, it’s far less perverted, unless of course it’s kids entertaining other kids with adults watching.

Has anyone else ever noticed that in these American teen flicks there are always losers/geeks/nerds bullied by the cool kids and the loser loves the popular cool girl and when her boyfriend, the school’s popular cool guy, picks on the loser she tells the loser, ‘ignore him he’s a dick’, but the girl’s also a dick for dating a guy she knows is a dick. Yep it’s true girls/women who date boys/men they know are dicks do so because they are dicks. It’s one big dick party, only one of those dicks as a vagina, and the losers/geeks/nerds aren’t invited.

Lucky for the losers/geeks/nerd they’re off creating addictive apps and inventing the next big thing in tech that some people, usually the dicks, then claim they can’t live without.

4 Underworld: Awakening. I’ve enjoyed previous movies in this series, vampires versus werewolves what a great idea and though the movies aren’t awesome the fact is they’re not supposed to be it’s werewolves versus vampires not an adaptation of a Shakespearean play. Okay they could be more violent, have more action, more gore and more fun but still it’s vampires versus werewolves. Enjoy. What I like about Underworld: Awakening it’s still heavily influenced by The Matrix doesn’t anyone remember how cool those movies were? I know lots of people found the sequels disappointing, I found them fantastic, they spawned a lot of movies that had cool imagery and highly stylised action this is a throwback to the beginnings of a new century and I like it.

5 Bad Moon: I do enjoy a good, and sometimes a bad, horror movie and I do like werewolves as a monster but there’s not always a lot of new horror movies released worth watching and very rarely new werewolf movies so I end up watching old horror movies and in the case of Bad Moon an old werewolf movie fortunately I haven’t watched this movie in probably twenty years so it might seem fresh and new all over again. Though I do know for sure it features a dog named Thor, and the original story, in book form I think, was based around the canine character. The werewolves featured in this movie are big bad monsters, and the SFX are good, there’s gore, and victims are left to scream in terror before being finally dispatched. This is basically a proper horror movie, nasty. Thor, the German Shepherd, is just the best movie dog, this movie made me want a Thor of my own just in case my life is threatened by a werewolf, now you might think the chances of being attacked by a werewolf are completely impossible and that such things can never happen but who thought two passenger planes would be flown into the World Trade Centre? Certainly not me and certainly not you.

Thor is right up there with Ashley Williams as the best hero in a horror movie, there should have been more movies starring Thor, versus a vampire coven, versus a zombie plague, obviously the zombie plague would have to be the kind that only affects humans and the zombies have zero interest eating other animals, Thor could be joined by all the animals, wild and domestic, and they save humanity by eating all the zombies. It would certainly be a different kind of zombie movie, the final Thor movie could be Thor versus humanity, after all the one true horror monster is us.

6 Silver Bullet: Poor Corey Haim. It’s sad watching this movie knowing how everything went, and ended, for the young chap, and if Corey Feldman’s revelations are true Haim’s story is sadder still. Though I only enjoyed Silver Bullet and The Watchers from his filmography and HATED The Lost Boys, I probably hate it still, I’ll never know because I won’t watch it again.

Silver Bullet is another nasty horror movie, innocent people are horribly torn apart and butchered and the cast is just great alongside Corey Haim there’s Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Terry O’Quinn, Leon Russom, Lawrence Tierney, Bill Smitrovich great actors and it’s wonderful to see them all again, younger, and in some cases still living.

Though Corey Haim’s character is wheelchair bound he’s not treated as a lesser person, kids don’t mock or pick on him, he’s actually a popular well liked kid and that’s a refreshing change normally in these kinds of movies/stories a kid with any kind of difference is brutally bullied.

7 Ginger Snaps 1, 2 and 3: These are Canadian werewolf movies starring Emily Perkins, Becky Rosen in Supernatural, and Katharine Isabelle, Ava Wilson in Supernatural and Margot Verger in Hannibal (the TV series). The movies have dark tones, revolving around the characters fascination with death, which some would find creepy and probably appalling but these movies are supposed to be horror movies and we the fans revel in death. Fictional deaths, we’re not sickos laughing when terrorists kill dozens or when nations, like Britain, wage war and kill thousands.

I thought I’d watched Ginger Snaps before, but the movie I imagined wasn’t this one. Towards the end of the movie I figured the big reveal was going to be that the mother of the Fitzgerald girls, played by Mimi Rogers, would turn out to be a werewolf and the reason Ginger became a werewolf wasn’t because she’d been bitten by one but because she’d finally started her menstrual cycle.

8 Batman versus Superman: a big superhero blockbuster featuring men running around in public, sometimes in broad daylight, in just their pyjamas. Batman versus Superman is the setting up of other DC Comics movies Justice League and Wonder Woman, and the JLA holy trinity, Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman play vital and important roles in this piece of popular entertainment. In a mere few throwaway moments this movie manages to show Superman for what he is, not an all powerful messianic figure who beats bad guys from one end of the universe to the other but a guy who saves people, tows a wrecked ship, rescues astronauts from an exploding rocket, people stranded in a flood. What the comic books used to get right, many, many years ago now is the amount of stuff Superman does in one day, travelling at the speed of light, or faster, he’s everywhere saving everyone, not from illness, wars or even crime, but saving them from accident and disaster. In Superman’s world no one dies from floods, or earthquakes, or tornadoes, because Superman saves them all. That’s why if I were to believe in a fictional saviour I’d believe in Superman.

There’s a really bizarre dream sequence set in Batman’s future, it’s like an Elseworlds tale or Injustice Gods Among Us, Superman a worshipped Messiah, fire pits akin to Apokolips, winged soldiers that look like Para-demons and a visitor from the future.

9 Dracula: The British Hammer version starring Peter Cushing as the heroic Doctor Van Helsing and Christopher Lee as the animal like vampire lord. It’s a fast paced piece of entertainment, events unfold quickly from Jonathan Harker becoming a victim of the vampires to Van Helsing discovering and then ending him to Lucy being turned to Dracula himself being confronted and destroyed by daylight, everything happens quickly, it’s quite a bang for your buck, if of course the movie costs you money I watched it on TV. The story doesn’t stop to develop character or to drag out drama everything happens as it happens and resolves fairly quickly I appreciated and enjoyed the no nonsense style of storytelling.

10 Superman: The Movie and Superman II: These pair of movies are my favourite superhero flicks they present, as far as I’m concerned, all the Superman characters perfectly and as they should be.

I watched a bunch of other movies this month, but decided to only make detailed mention of ten, otherwise this post would be far too long but the other movies deserve a mention.

Ghost In The Shell; Nighthawks; Fever Pitch; High Fidelity; War of the Worlds (Spielberg); London Has Fallen; Midnight Special; Déjà Vu; Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Serenity; Conan the Barbarian; Raiders of the Lost Ark; Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

I had quite the month of movie madness and I enjoyed (on some level) every movie I watched. I don’t tend to watch a lot of present day movies because I’m of the opinion modern movies suck.


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