Mutually Assured Destruction

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Mutually Assured Destruction is just plain mad, heh, here in Britain there’s due any day now, Thursday 8th of June, a General Election I’ll be voting for Jeremy Corbyn, leader of the Labour Party, but I won’t be voting for Labour it’s the personality, the person, I’m voting for not the awful party. Jeremy Corbyn is a potential Prime Minister who, sanely, claims he might not order a nuclear attack on an enemy state if there’s an atomic bomb attack on Britain. He’s the only potential PM with any sense, his ideas and opinions are sensible, rational, the idea Britain needs a nuclear deterrent is retarded and the idea Britain needs a leader prepared to launch atomic weapons is fuck-tarded. As a Briton I’m not enthused by a leader prepared to kill millions of innocents, including babies, in a foreign land so, for me, Jeremy Corbyn is a breath of fresh air.

Don’t get me wrong I love the idea of an atomic war but only the idea of, fictions, stories of an all out war in which people, somehow, survive and begin to rebuild while perhaps fending off mutants, evil Morlocks, or in some future fantasy type setting Orcs and Goblins. But in the real world having love for, a passion for, an atomic war is fucking stupid and the idea of retaliation if attacked is downright spiteful.

The world isn’t a fantasy world, it’s not like the movies, we’re not action men or women, movie love and romance is a lie, people can’t fly or shrug off being shot full of bullets, every minute of every day can’t be filled with happiness and laughter, genuine super villains and criminal masterminds don’t exist. The real world is grim, cruel and nasty and there are no such things as justice or fairness such ideas are, like the movies, fiction.

The real world needs leaders who live here and not leaders who live in a fantasy land.

Movie Madness May 2017

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I do love/hate the movies. Here’s my list of movies watched throughout the month of May.

1 Alien Resurrection: In anticipation of the new Alien movie I decided, wisely it seems, to watch an Alien movie I haven’t seen in an age, and I hated it which put me off going to the pictures to watch Alien Covenant.

2 Rogue One: A Star Wars Story: May the fourth be with you always. What a day. What a great day spent watching Star Wars movies starting with my first home viewing of Rogue One a fantastic addition to the Star Wars family.

3 Star Wars: The original and still the best. Well…

4 The Empire Strikes Back: … until Empire.

5 Return of the Jedi: It’s the best Star Wars movie for kids.

6 The Force Awakens: I love this movie more than I do life itself. Perhaps not my own life but certainly other people’s.

7 Godzilla Resurgence: Or SHIN Godzilla. I’m a sucker for a Godzilla movie and this newest version made me happy.

8 Kong: Skull Island: Awful. I’m not a fan of modern movies and this King Kong movie highlights, for me, how bad they are.

9 The Great Wall: It’s not a good movie but it is a daft movie with plenty of action sequences.

10 Resident Evil: The Final Chapter: Another awful movie. Apparently the plan is to remake the Resident Evil movies, I hope they make them better than the previous versions.

11 Underworld: Blood Wars: The Underworld franchise, like the Resident Evil franchise, as potential it just needs someone with more imagination and with a better story to tell tales set in this world.

12 I Am A Hero: I’m a big fan of the Manga this movie is based upon and though the movie doesn’t reach the heights of its parent it’s still a decent apocalypse movie.

13 Dead Rising: Endgame: Cheap and okay.

14 Pandemic: Boring!

15 Beacon Point: Rubbish!

16 The Monster: Pants!

17 The Guardians: Very disappointing. I was hoping for a mad crazy Russian superhero flick but it’s a tired addition to the superhero mix.

18 The Autopsy of Jane Doe: Reminded me of a similar horror movie the title of which eludes me. An effective and intriguing movie.

19 Doomsday: When I originally watched this Brit movie when it was released I found it disappointing now it seems to be an accurate depiction of both Scotland and England.

20 JAWS: Only the best movie ever made.

21 Ouija: Origin of Evil: Bloodless but enjoyable.

22 ZomBeavers: Surprisingly okay.

23 All Cheerleaders Die: BORING!!

24 Backcountry: Boyfriend/girlfriend go into woods and are eaten by a bear, unfortunately the boyfriend/girlfriend aspect of that ace idea takes precedence, all I wanted was man-eating bear eating man and woman instead I was given a relationship drama. Sigh!

25 Wyrmwood: The Road of the Dead: Enjoyable Aussie zombie action movie romp.

26 Warcraft: BAD!

27 Yoga Hosers: EVEN BADDER!!

28 Headshot: Acceptable fighting action movie.

29 Twin Peaks: Fire Come Walk With Me: Fine, damn fine.

30 The Matrix: A real to goodness classic.

31 Matrix Reloaded: Criticised by many for not being the movie they imagined inside their noggins but not by me I enjoy Reloaded more than I do The Matrix for the simple reason there’s more kung-fu fist and kick fighting in this movie than in the previous movie and I’m a sucker for kung-fu fighting.

Sure the philosophical musings get a tad too Manichean for most people’s liking instead of remaining stoically cynical, heh, but forget all the philosophising for a moment we the geeky movie goer are given some grand action set-pieces stuff we’ve never seen before, Neo’s fight with the multiple Smith’s and Morpheus’ fight atop a moving truck.

Besides I like the idea that everything Neo and Morpheus try and do has already been done before they’re just new characters acting out an old on going, never ending perhaps, story. Which kinda explains us crazy humans here in the real world, or real Matrix, the more things change the more they stay the same.

Look at us, take a good long look, our political leanings are old and tired and need revamping, our society’s are broken and corrupt, our religious leanings are ancient fictions based upon older smarter fictions, we, and the people who control us, keep repeating the same mistakes again and again and again, we’re supposed to be a thinking learning smart ape but we exhibit no smarts most of the time. We have no new ideas, sure society changes, technology makes us slaves and addicts but we’re no more advanced mentally or physically, if anything we’re regressing, time for change is long overdue. In my humble, or perhaps not so humble, opinion.

But I digress.

I imagine new Matrix movies, stories set solely inside the Matrix featuring new characters some of whom operate from outside the Matrix and only enter to confer with their agents and underlings inside and the entire storyline revolving around the simple idea of good versus evil but with an added bonus of the complexity of freedom fighter or terrorist?

From the humans, in Zion, point of view Neo and Morpheus are heroic freedom fighters but from the machines point of view the pair are terrorist leaders there’s a lot of ambiguity that can be used in future storylines, for example do the ends justify the means? In the first Matrix movie Trinity and Neo annihilate a building full of police officers, just wipe them out, now if that were to happen in real life, at a real American city, Neo and Trinity would be public enemies number one, cop killers, widow makers, run with that, play with that, are Neo and Morpheus good guys or are they, like real world terrorists, mad insane extremists out to wreck a system that offers peace and security?

Superman and Spider-Man

 Every week (just about) I read the adventures of both the Man of Steel and of the amazing, the spectacular, the sensational Spider-Man recently I noticed that both characters are happy jolly individuals, in stark contrast to The Batman and The Punisher. Neither character seems bitter about their roles in their respective fictional universes and though both have experienced hardships both approach life with a positive attitude it’s probably why Superman’s my favourite DC character and Spider-Man one of my top three Marvel characters (Thor Odinson and The Thing my other two favourite Marvel characters). Both Superman and Spider-Man make for great role models.

Whenever I’m interacting with other people, usually at work, I try to think what would Superman do? Or Spider-Man say in this situation? My responsibilities at my place of employ centre around the support of Service Users I’m forever using, inside my head, ‘with great power comes great responsibility’ as I operate in and around my workplace, and I ensure my time at my workplace revolves around the Service Users as I keep them entertained, play the fool for their benefit, act like a kid and generally make sure the Service Users are laughing and joking. I figure Superman, and especially Spider-Man, would keep Service Users well entertained if they had to help support their wants and needs.

I’m not sure which superhero is the most jolly, is it Superman or is it Spider-Man? I guess it doesn’t really matter both seem super happy and both seem to inspire happiness in others. You never see Superman (Post-Crisis) having arguments or upsetting his adoptive parents or Spider-Man raging at Aunt May both characters have fun loving relationships with their adoptive parents.

Superman

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Doomed planet. Desperate scientists. Last hope. Kindly couple. Grant Morrison’s explanation of Superman’s origins in his All Star Superman story is the best use of Superman’s origin I’ve ever seen. Usually when a character is enjoying a re-boot or re-imagining, or new movie series, the characters origin is poured over again and again and again. I don’t need another story telling me the origin of Superman in the comic books it’s been done so many times, each time slightly different that it’s kind of annoying for Superman’s origin I prefer Pre-Crisis storylines and Pre-Crisis Krypton, it’s a world that belongs in a Fifties science fiction movie, bright gaudy costumes, rocket ships, laser pistols, a proper Flash Gordon/Buck Rogers type world. In the movies I prefer the Krypton, and origin of Superman, from Superman: The Movie, Marlon Brando as Jor-El Superman’s father, come on it’s Marlon freakin’ Brando as Superman’s father it doesn’t get much more awesome than that, in fact the only way it could be more awesome is if it was my Superman movie (the one that exists inside my head) that features Arnold Schwarzenegger as Jor-El.

‘Live as one of them, Kal-El, to discover where your strength and your power are needed. But always hold in your heart the pride of your special heritage. They can be a great people, Kal-El, they wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way. For this reason above all, their capacity for good, I have sent them you… my only son.’

Imagine that classic iconic piece of movie dialogue delivered by Arnie it would be as awesome as this:

John Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?

Sully: That’s right, Matrix! You did!

John Matrix: I lied.

I LIED! Delivered in a fake Austrian accent is the one piece of movie dialogue I use the most, whenever I’ve purposely lied about something and then been found out I make sure I sound a little like John Matrix (great name by the way).

Superman lost not only his parents but his entire world, everyone who was like him, washed ashore a primitive world with a million different problems all of them petty and pathetic he Superman is the most human of all fictional characters but he’s an alien, remarkable. He’s the person you can rely upon to do the right thing no matter what and even if he’s faced with the prospect of excruciating death by green kryptonite he’ll still manage somehow to save us all.

What an alien guy.

Spider-Man

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My favourite version of Spider-Man, and more specifically Peter Parker, is Steve Ditko’s once he left the Spider-Man comic and John Romita replaced him Peter Parker went from loveable nerd to cool kid the very next issue I didn’t like that, I want Peter Parker back, perhaps he’s been locked away in a cryogenic chamber all these years as his horrid cool kid clone has ran rampant throughout the Marvel Universe. Or have we already had that storyline?

Spider-Man suffered terrible tragedy early in life, his parents dying in a car accident, he didn’t train himself to be a competent psychopath and carry out a war on motor vehicles instead he became a bright young kid with a promising future but then out of nowhere he gained amazing super powers, which made him go a little nuts to begin with, only the death of his beloved Uncle Ben managed to save Spider-Man from a hedonistic lifestyle of pleasure without pain.

Hit with tragedy for a second time Spider-Man didn’t decide to start a war on the poor or become a serial killer instead he became a hero, one of the most respected heroes in the Marvel Universe, time after time he put his life on the line to stop bad guys, usually bank robbers and petty crooks, but he helped save the world on more than one occasion he did all these things while his personal life was falling apart this didn’t turn him into a psychopath, a murderer, instead it pushed him to do greater good and he’s continued to sacrifice his own life to ensure the people of New York City live in relative peace.

What a guy.

Both Superman and Spider-Man need honouring for their dedication to always doing the right thing no matter what they’ve not let tragedy and pain dictate how they respond to the world or operate within it instead they’ve used moments that have broken lesser men as a means to galvanise themselves into selfless actions. They’ve both loved, Superman Lois Lane, who he has a child with, and Spider-Man Mary Jane, who he had a kid with, and both characters seem to learn from mistakes they’ve made and try and ensure they don’t repeat them.

Both Superman and Spider-Man seem like really happy chappies great examples of happy people they both seem to be grateful for the lives they lead, and have led, and both seem grateful for the immense powers they possess. I don’t think I’ve ever read a story featuring either character in which they’ve been lacking in gratitude big headed or overbearing they’re humble guys having been brought up with real world good to honest decent points of view. Both characters ensure they use their powers for the greater good and both seem pleasant always smiling and laughing, having a good natured joke with work colleagues while in their civilian identities, enjoying the company of family and friends, everyone who knows them in their secret identities finds them perfectly reasonable individuals no ones got a bad word to say about Clark Kent or Peter Parker because both are good guys.

Every good guy in the DCU wants to be Superman’s friend, I doubt there’s anyone in the Justice League who dislikes the happy fella, even The Batman, dark knight that he is, considers Superman his best friend, his super friend. As for Spider-Man during his run as an Avenger not only was he well liked he was (almost) revered and now, as Peter Parker, he’s surrounded by a team of happy go lucky scientists who think he’s a swell guy and that’s because he is a swell guy.

Superman and Spider-Man are the types of character I’m happy to admire and idolise they’re the types of happy people that inspire me and who I aspire to be. On those rare occasions I feel a bit sad, woe is me, I pick up a comic book featuring the adventures of Superman, or Spider-Man, and my moments of sadness disappear into the ether.

Early Morning Happiness

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One of the reasons I find it difficult to be unhappy is because when I wake up leave my bedroom and enter my living room I’m greeted with shelves full of geek stuff. Too much stuff. DC and Marvel comic book collections, big chunky editions of The Walking Dead, a small selection of Manga and hundreds of DVDs. Upon arrival home from work this same geek stuff brings a big smile to my stupid face.

I LOVE IT!

I love all my stuff it makes me happy that’s the reason I can’t stop buying it, or don’t want to stop buying it, I guess it’s like an addiction, but rather than one that’s detrimental to my physical and mental health this addiction as all kinds of awesome benefits.

The only downside to owning so much geek stuff is I quickly run out of space. I was wishing, only the other day, that I’d kept everything, not sold, gave away or thrown away any of the geek stuff I’d accumulated at some point, but if I still owned everything I’d need a huge mansion or two houses to store all the ace geek stuff and I can’t afford a mansion or two houses because I am poor.

Being poor makes me happy. All the negative aspects of my life that would make other people unhappy make me happy, I realised this recently while having conversations with other people and they expressed distress at every day things I do and don’t do, for example, daily exercise and making the five mile plus walk to work, preferring night shifts to daytime shifts, not using mobile phones, not eating at fast food restaurants, not drinking or smoking, never having used drugs or medicines and never having watched a celebrity TV show or something like The X-Factor.

It’s possible I’m the only person other people have met who is like this so obviously I’m a weirdo but from my perspective people who don’t walk, or moan if they have to make a fifteen minute walk are weird. People who have their mobile phones in constant use are weird. People who eat regularly at McDonalds are weird. Drinking alcohol every day and smoking cigarettes is weird. Using illegal narcotics is weird (and naughty) being medicated is weird. Being obsessed with celebs is weird. Watching The X-Factor is weird.

Weird is all a matter of perspective, but if all the things I find weird make other people as happy as my geek stuff makes me then good for them it’s better than smoking, drinking heavily, using drugs, being celeb obsessed and those things, and many more, making a person unhappy. It really would be weird if smokers are unhappy smoking but continue to do so feeling more unhappy with each puff of a cigarette, or drinkers unhappy with the amount they drink but continue to drink the same amount continuously without sign of stopping.

My addiction to geek stuff costs on average about two hundred quid a month if I stopped buying comic books and DVDs I’d accumulate enough cash to go jetting off around the world several times a year but to be perfectly honest I’ve no real interest in travel, visiting exotic locales wouldn’t make me happy I’d probably be unhappy, on days away from work I prefer being home alone surrounded by all the geek stuff that makes me immediately happy early in a morning and continues to bring me happiness throughout the rest of my day.

That’s the thing with this life we’re all experiencing we’ve got to find the things that make us happy and stick to them, no matter what, and if other people express negative views of the geek stuff you like me love, fuck ’em, it’s our life and it’s full of geeky, love it and ignore the naysayers they’re all fucking miserable anyways.

 

 

 

Be Mo Farah

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If there’s something you want to do, like really, really want to do then you’ve got be inspired by someone like Mo Farah, I’m not sure if everyone saw his 10k race during the Rio Olympics but the dude fell heavily to the floor rolled back onto his feet and won the frikkin’ race it was the best example I’ve ever seen of someone really wanting something badly enough to not give up. It was inspirational. Olympians can inspire us all, perhaps more than any other type of person. For the purpose of a blog post I’m going to list a few challenges I’ve decided to try and be Mo Farah at:

Be Happy Now

There’s no point being happy at some undetermined future time because the future’s so unpredictable we all might be dead before we can be happy. Though I’ll be happy if all our deaths are the result of a zombie apocalypse or alien invasion, we’d be living in a freakin’ movie and wouldn’t that be great? Yes it really, really would.

I’m not present enough to be happy at times yet to come I never, or very rarely, make plans for the future I just exist from day to day present in the moment but not present enough to plan ahead. In my life everything happens by accident and nothing is pre-planned, fortunately those accidents turn out well rather than disastrous. Lucky me.

Being happy isn’t something that happens by accident however it’s something you’ve got to want, like Mo Farah winning his race, you’ve got to wake up and be happy it doesn’t matter what time of the day I wake sometimes it’s 04:00 and sometimes it’s 14:00 it depends on my shifts at my place of employ but I always make the effort to be happy, usually by messing about while looking in a mirror, for some reason my ugly visage makes me happy. From my waking moment I make sure every moment brings happiness, preparing and eating food, wasting a few hours writing or drawing, reading comic books, watching DVDs, deciding what to wear, making the five mile plus walk to work, working out with weights, being alone and enjoying complete silence.

I don’t believe that the pursuit of happiness is the purpose of our lives, I don’t actually believe in anything, but I figure because we’re here, we’re alive, we’re still breathing without illness, physical and mental, to plague us we should be happy without having purpose or the wasting of time pursuing happiness.

Most of the time I’m not even aware I’m happy, until I catch myself smiling or laughing or I punch the air with joy because I’ve just watched something ace or read something remarkable but once I catch myself I’m amused because I’m happy about nothing major, I’m happy about being alone, I’m happy without being a winner, without having spent a shed load of cash and then bragging about spending a shed load of cash, I’m happy about having nothing really to be happy about other than happiness itself. It’s a challenge being happy in a human world that seems so fucking unhappy but be inspired by Mo Farah and fight to be happy, WANT to be happy.

Write A Horror Novel

If you’ve never tried to write a work of fiction before you might be under the impression that writing a novel is easy, you just sit before a notepad, or keyboard, and write away the story just flowing from brain to fingers to paper, or computer screen, but that’s not how writing works it requires talent, hard work, self sacrifice and lots and lots of inspiration.

I’ve decided to write a horror novel because my favourite genre, be it movies, TV, books, is the horror genre back in the good ol’ Eighties I read voraciously horror novels I never really read any other genre I had love for science fiction but only visually, movies, TV shows, comic books and I had love of fantasy novels but they tended to be these massive sprawling tomes and I preferred my fantasy more heroic, Conan the Barbarian, than high, Tolkien-esque.

My favourite writers throughout the Eighties were Stephen King, James Herbert, Dean Koontz and of course HP Lovecraft, I don’t read horror novels anymore, other than Lovecraft, I’ve tried to embrace the horror novel genre but I’ve been bitterly disappointed by the novels people, via the Internet, have recommended so I’ve figured why not write a horror novel, write something I want to read, so I’m going to make attempt, fail, feel sad, eat twelve pizzas, cry, crawl into a little ball and die unless of course I’m inspired by Mo Farah and persevere.

Create A Webcomic

I have this idea for a webcomic, it’s probably not a great idea but it is indeed an idea, I want to draw a webcomic inspired by Jack Kirby and have most of it, if not all, completed for August 28th 2017, Kirby’s 100th birthday.

My idea is pretty basic, dude gets super powers, discovers the world is not what it seems, fights evil, it’s all been done before, and much better than I can manage, it’s impossible for me to conjure forth anything original, or even interesting, I can only create stuff I want to read.

The origin of the super dude character has already been mapped out thumbnails wise now I face the hard work translating the thumbnails to full pencils to inks to digital colour add a bunch of coherent words and BOOM webcomic.

Lose Weight, Eat Less

I decided at the beginning of August to lose weight my aim was to lose eight pounds by September 1st I weighed myself at about 06:30 on the morning of September 1st and I was 13 stone 7 pounds rather than losing eight pounds I’d lost fifteen I was most happy with myself and my new target is to hit less than 13 stone by the end of the year. It’s not going to be easy, it requires a lot of hard work, commitment, determination and fighting through days when I just want to eat pizza for breakfast, dinner and tea.

Eating less has been my method of losing weight, I’ve never really ate a big breakfast, preferring two eggs scrambled or berries,  Greek style yoghurt and peanut butter (Whole Earth, crunchy, no added sugar) I’ve stuck to my usual breakfasts alternating so as not to get too bored eating the same thing every morning. For dinner/lunch I’ve mostly ate vegetables with noodles and for tea/dinner two chicken breast, salmon, or a chicken thigh. In between meals I’ve ate one banana and one Satsuma (easy peel) I haven’t found myself feeling hungry, I’ve been quite happy with my diet but I have noticed on the few occasions I’ve ate a large meal a feeling of being bloated, it’s been most unpleasant, and I figure eating less has caused me to be unable to eat more.

I’m of the opinion that we, in nations like Britain, eat far too much, we seem addicted to eating. I live in the centre of my hometown, the desk I sit at to write these blog posts, my novel and create my webcomic is situated so I can see out of my living room window I see the people from my hometown wandering about throughout the day and night most of them are overweight, most of them heavier than me, some of them, a lot, are obese.

I have no problem with fat people, it’s their choice to be massively overweight but I have come to the conclusion that humans are supposed to be slightly, or even massively, under weight. During our caveman days I imagine men and women to have been under weight, I imagine food sources were scarce hunting hardly easy and with so much competition meat wasn’t always a stable part of the human diet. I imagine that early humans were more vegetarian than carnivores and I imagine that life was really harsh, required of people to be on the go from the moment the sun rose to the moment it set, I imagine cavemen, and women, were skinny things and no one was ever fat with this imagining in mind I’ve figured the healthiest choice is to be under weight and not overweight so I’m going to try and reach a weight below my ideal.

In addition, cave people didn’t eat bread, cakes, McDonalds or drink gallons of Coca Cola because such things just didn’t exist, they survived well enough for all of us to be here now on meat, fish, fruits, nuts and vegetables they were the strongest, healthiest, hardiest, fittest humans to ever exist, THE most successful humans in our long bloody history as well as being inspired by Olympians we would do well to be inspired by our caveman ancestors without them fighting to survive every day there’d be no me and no you.

Reduce Sugar Intake

Sugar is evil.

We consume way too much sugar, just about everything we eat, especially packaged food stuff, is drenched in sugar, I don’t know why this has become socially accepted perhaps because sugar is an addictive compound it makes us buy more food thus making someone somewhere extremely wealthy. More fool all of us for making other people extremely wealthy we’re supposed to be clever, a smart monkey, but we just seem fucking stupid.

Throughout August I mainly ate vegetables, fruits and chicken my intake of sugary crap was greatly reduced I didn’t notice a difference in my attitude, I wasn’t happier or unhappier, but I did end up losing 15 pounds in weight.

I must be inspired by my weight loss and continue to avoid eating chocolate and drinking fizzy drinks, it’s obvious they’re not going to be good for me, health wise, so why keep consuming them?

It’s the same theme with smokers and drinkers they know they’re doing themselves harm by smoking and drinking and yet they continue to drink and smoke, like I’ve already made mention we’re supposed to be smart but all the evidence points to the unarguable fact that we’re idiots.

Be A Friendlier, Nicer Person

I’m neither friendly or nice and I’m happy for others to be unfriendly and nasty towards me, doesn’t bother me one bit, I just don’t care, fuck people, but it wouldn’t hurt me, well maybe not, to be friendlier and nicer though it does seem like a lot of hard work.

Over a decade ago I tried to be friendlier and nicer I managed two and half days on the third day I felt so ill I threw up in my mouth and thought, ‘fuck this shit!’ stopped being friendly and nice and immediately felt much better.

This time however I’m going to work through the feeling of sick, work hard at being nice, endeavour to be friendly, I don’t know why I’ve decided to make this attempt it just seems impossible and I’m the kind of person who wants the impossible to be possible, like wishing for a zombie apocalypse or an alien invasion or better yet an alien invasion during a zombie apocalypse. Hmm, why isn’t there a TV show featuring such an idea? Think The Walking Dead mashed with Falling Skies only well written with interesting characters. If only.

Movie Madness: August

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 1 Stake Land: My first movie of a new month just had to be post apocalyptic horror, I was inspired to re-watch this movie due to a new TV series from SyFy Van Helsing that kind of reminded me of Stake Land. The first thing that becomes apparent about this movie is it looks damn good and the second thing is the vampires look more like creatures from the first Evil Dead movie, they’re pure evil and they look it, they’re not beautiful or sexy these vampires are the stuff of nightmares and they eat babies.

I find post apocalyptic tales funny, not laugh out loud pee my pants funny but funny in a dark humour kinda way, the protagonists in such tales aren’t in peril just from the horrors that have conquered the world they’re also in peril from people just like in the real world every time we step outside some crazy or evil or just absent minded dick could end our lives we’re constantly in peril we just don’t notice.

I like Stake Land it’s a good vampire movie and a bleak post apocalyptic movie but with little moments of hope. There’s supposed to be a sequel this year The Stakelander which is a terrible title Stake Land 2 would have been much better but it’s a SyFy original so I’m not holding out much hope for the sequel being as good as the original.

2 Uncaged: Is a werewolf movie. Weeks ago I had made plans to watch a series of werewolf movies and then blog about them but then Euro 2016 happened and I spent more time doodling and reading and so I completely forgot about my previous plan and now I’m too disinterested to write specific posts about a bunch of werewolf movies I’ve never seen before because to be honest they’re not very good. Uncaged isn’t that bad to be fair, it’s low budget and it shows but it’s okay(ish). Though I wouldn’t recommend a viewing.

3 Cursed: Has been around for a good decade but I’ve not watched it until now I’ve always figured it was one of those teen romance movies and I don’t watch those kinds of movies. It’s written by Kevin Williamson and directed by Wes Craven both had a hit with Scream. Williamson also wrote a few other teen angst horror movies I Know What You Did Last Summer and Faculty and created the TV series The Vampire Diaries, personally I find it a little creepy when adults seem so obsessed in making teen movies and TV shows, I know teens desire shows about people their age but those shows usually have men and women in their twenties and thirties portraying the teen characters, it’s really very creepy like kind of kiddie fiddling creepy. I prefer adults to create entertainment aimed at adults, let kids entertain kids, it’s far less perverted, unless of course it’s kids entertaining other kids with adults watching.

Has anyone else ever noticed that in these American teen flicks there are always losers/geeks/nerds bullied by the cool kids and the loser loves the popular cool girl and when her boyfriend, the school’s popular cool guy, picks on the loser she tells the loser, ‘ignore him he’s a dick’, but the girl’s also a dick for dating a guy she knows is a dick. Yep it’s true girls/women who date boys/men they know are dicks do so because they are dicks. It’s one big dick party, only one of those dicks as a vagina, and the losers/geeks/nerds aren’t invited.

Lucky for the losers/geeks/nerd they’re off creating addictive apps and inventing the next big thing in tech that some people, usually the dicks, then claim they can’t live without.

4 Underworld: Awakening. I’ve enjoyed previous movies in this series, vampires versus werewolves what a great idea and though the movies aren’t awesome the fact is they’re not supposed to be it’s werewolves versus vampires not an adaptation of a Shakespearean play. Okay they could be more violent, have more action, more gore and more fun but still it’s vampires versus werewolves. Enjoy. What I like about Underworld: Awakening it’s still heavily influenced by The Matrix doesn’t anyone remember how cool those movies were? I know lots of people found the sequels disappointing, I found them fantastic, they spawned a lot of movies that had cool imagery and highly stylised action this is a throwback to the beginnings of a new century and I like it.

5 Bad Moon: I do enjoy a good, and sometimes a bad, horror movie and I do like werewolves as a monster but there’s not always a lot of new horror movies released worth watching and very rarely new werewolf movies so I end up watching old horror movies and in the case of Bad Moon an old werewolf movie fortunately I haven’t watched this movie in probably twenty years so it might seem fresh and new all over again. Though I do know for sure it features a dog named Thor, and the original story, in book form I think, was based around the canine character. The werewolves featured in this movie are big bad monsters, and the SFX are good, there’s gore, and victims are left to scream in terror before being finally dispatched. This is basically a proper horror movie, nasty. Thor, the German Shepherd, is just the best movie dog, this movie made me want a Thor of my own just in case my life is threatened by a werewolf, now you might think the chances of being attacked by a werewolf are completely impossible and that such things can never happen but who thought two passenger planes would be flown into the World Trade Centre? Certainly not me and certainly not you.

Thor is right up there with Ashley Williams as the best hero in a horror movie, there should have been more movies starring Thor, versus a vampire coven, versus a zombie plague, obviously the zombie plague would have to be the kind that only affects humans and the zombies have zero interest eating other animals, Thor could be joined by all the animals, wild and domestic, and they save humanity by eating all the zombies. It would certainly be a different kind of zombie movie, the final Thor movie could be Thor versus humanity, after all the one true horror monster is us.

6 Silver Bullet: Poor Corey Haim. It’s sad watching this movie knowing how everything went, and ended, for the young chap, and if Corey Feldman’s revelations are true Haim’s story is sadder still. Though I only enjoyed Silver Bullet and The Watchers from his filmography and HATED The Lost Boys, I probably hate it still, I’ll never know because I won’t watch it again.

Silver Bullet is another nasty horror movie, innocent people are horribly torn apart and butchered and the cast is just great alongside Corey Haim there’s Gary Busey, Everett McGill, Terry O’Quinn, Leon Russom, Lawrence Tierney, Bill Smitrovich great actors and it’s wonderful to see them all again, younger, and in some cases still living.

Though Corey Haim’s character is wheelchair bound he’s not treated as a lesser person, kids don’t mock or pick on him, he’s actually a popular well liked kid and that’s a refreshing change normally in these kinds of movies/stories a kid with any kind of difference is brutally bullied.

7 Ginger Snaps 1, 2 and 3: These are Canadian werewolf movies starring Emily Perkins, Becky Rosen in Supernatural, and Katharine Isabelle, Ava Wilson in Supernatural and Margot Verger in Hannibal (the TV series). The movies have dark tones, revolving around the characters fascination with death, which some would find creepy and probably appalling but these movies are supposed to be horror movies and we the fans revel in death. Fictional deaths, we’re not sickos laughing when terrorists kill dozens or when nations, like Britain, wage war and kill thousands.

I thought I’d watched Ginger Snaps before, but the movie I imagined wasn’t this one. Towards the end of the movie I figured the big reveal was going to be that the mother of the Fitzgerald girls, played by Mimi Rogers, would turn out to be a werewolf and the reason Ginger became a werewolf wasn’t because she’d been bitten by one but because she’d finally started her menstrual cycle.

8 Batman versus Superman: a big superhero blockbuster featuring men running around in public, sometimes in broad daylight, in just their pyjamas. Batman versus Superman is the setting up of other DC Comics movies Justice League and Wonder Woman, and the JLA holy trinity, Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman play vital and important roles in this piece of popular entertainment. In a mere few throwaway moments this movie manages to show Superman for what he is, not an all powerful messianic figure who beats bad guys from one end of the universe to the other but a guy who saves people, tows a wrecked ship, rescues astronauts from an exploding rocket, people stranded in a flood. What the comic books used to get right, many, many years ago now is the amount of stuff Superman does in one day, travelling at the speed of light, or faster, he’s everywhere saving everyone, not from illness, wars or even crime, but saving them from accident and disaster. In Superman’s world no one dies from floods, or earthquakes, or tornadoes, because Superman saves them all. That’s why if I were to believe in a fictional saviour I’d believe in Superman.

There’s a really bizarre dream sequence set in Batman’s future, it’s like an Elseworlds tale or Injustice Gods Among Us, Superman a worshipped Messiah, fire pits akin to Apokolips, winged soldiers that look like Para-demons and a visitor from the future.

9 Dracula: The British Hammer version starring Peter Cushing as the heroic Doctor Van Helsing and Christopher Lee as the animal like vampire lord. It’s a fast paced piece of entertainment, events unfold quickly from Jonathan Harker becoming a victim of the vampires to Van Helsing discovering and then ending him to Lucy being turned to Dracula himself being confronted and destroyed by daylight, everything happens quickly, it’s quite a bang for your buck, if of course the movie costs you money I watched it on TV. The story doesn’t stop to develop character or to drag out drama everything happens as it happens and resolves fairly quickly I appreciated and enjoyed the no nonsense style of storytelling.

10 Superman: The Movie and Superman II: These pair of movies are my favourite superhero flicks they present, as far as I’m concerned, all the Superman characters perfectly and as they should be.

I watched a bunch of other movies this month, but decided to only make detailed mention of ten, otherwise this post would be far too long but the other movies deserve a mention.

Ghost In The Shell; Nighthawks; Fever Pitch; High Fidelity; War of the Worlds (Spielberg); London Has Fallen; Midnight Special; Déjà Vu; Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure; Serenity; Conan the Barbarian; Raiders of the Lost Ark; Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom; Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

I had quite the month of movie madness and I enjoyed (on some level) every movie I watched. I don’t tend to watch a lot of present day movies because I’m of the opinion modern movies suck.

Raiders of the Lost Ark

  

At work I decided, prearranged, to watch the three Indiana Jones movies, and there are only three now you, dear reader, might be under the impression there are more than three but you’d be wrong and because this is my blog I’m always right. ALWAYS!

(Even when I’m wrong).

Raiders is one of those movies I’d watch if I were to write or make movies because it’s damn near perfect, if not actually perfection personified. The story is told at a brisk pace and yet we, the fans, are given well rounded, very relatable characters, Indiana Jones is perhaps THE best hero ever featured in any kind of entertainment medium.

The reason Raiders is a movie classic is down to the fact Steven Spielberg used to be the best damn movie director on the planet, he once made the most entertaining well told movie stories and he was always blessed with great scripts featuring characters that are now considered iconic.

In addition there’s the reason behind Indy’s adventures in Raiders he’s out to find the Ark of the Covenant, this (perhaps) mythical object is one of, if not THE, most mysterious object in our history (or alternatively our myths) a strange box constructed out of gold that held within it the Ten Commandments written by Moses and transcribed by God, and imbued with supernatural power a power so destructive it could be used as a weapon indeed the Hebrews used it has a weapon on several occasions, now if you know your Bible at all you will be aware that the Ark didn’t contain the original Ten Commandments those stone tablets were broken by Moses in anger at his people reverting to their heathen pagan ways and so Moses had to ask God to transcribe them once again while poor old constantly plagued by people Moses carved them into a new set of stone tablets.

I can’t tell how many times I’ve watched Raiders because I don’t know myself I can tell that I get stupidly excited about many a pop culture item movies, TV shows, comic books I have to restrain myself contain my enthusiasm otherwise every word spoken every word written would be as a means to express my joy and delight at such pop culture items.

Several years ago now I had the pleasure of watching Raiders, an original print, at the pictures it was my favourite cinema experience of the 21st century I doubt any cinema experience could compare.

Though Temple and Crusade are also excellent, very enjoyable, movies they don’t compare to Raiders it’s one of my top ten movies and without a doubt, in my mind, one of the best movies ever committed to film. 

Apparently Disney, and Lucasfilm, are planning future Indy movies they shouldn’t we have three perfect movies why can’t the movie industry just leave the past alone and try and create iconic movies for the future? I feel some what saddened for younger generations they don’t have a Raiders movie experience of their own, the movies of their generation are utter crap, but the movies of my generation kids old enough to appreciate and remember Eighties movies when they were originally released have dozens of iconic movies to remember, to look back upon with fond happy memories, the Eighties was the last great decade for movies and since the Eighties came to an end the entertainment offered to movie fans has been massively disappointing. Mostly.

The other great element in Raiders, other than the mythical aspect, is the fact the bad guys are Nazis, they’re the best movie bad guys so much so that George Lucas based the second best movie bad guys, Stormtroopers, on the Nazis. Nazis, be they Hitler’s or modern day Neo, are bad guys a movie fan can love to hate and whatever bad violent thing happens to Nazis they richly deserve. 

I love Nazis in the movies and an Indy movie just doesn’t seem right without them.

Top Five Zombie Movies

shaunofthedeadandzombieland

1 Shaun of the Dead

2 George A Romero’s Dawn of the Dead

3 Return of the Living Dead

4 Zombieland

5 Braindead

I’ve been a big fan of the zombie genre since I watched Romero’s Dawn of the Dead when I was about seven or eight the horror picture blew my mind and gave me endless nightmares that quickly became happy dreams that I continue to have to this day.

Yep, when I’m not dreaming about surviving the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse I’m thinking about surviving such an event, here in the U.K. in the past week the government decided to ban so called zombie weapons citing that promotion of such items results in violence and murder, it’s nonsense of course, and with the zombie’s ready to rise any day now how are Britons supposed to defend themselves?

I’m all right I’ve been prepared for years but what about everyone else? The government lacks imagination and forward planning, take Brexit for example no one in, or out, of government had a fucking plan Britain’s political elite exposed as a bunch of dumb headed fuckwits and they’re still ruining, whoops I meant running, the country.

SIGH!

What Happened To The Movies?

Two thousand and sixteen is managing to trip on by quite nicely, summer is breathing its last, and so far this year I’ve been to the cinema once, Captain America: Civil War, what happened to the movies?

Back in the glorious Eighties, 1986 to be precise, the movie world was full of grand entertaining fare and I watched a big heap of movies some I still watch these days:

Aliens, Armour of God, A Better Tomorrow, Big Trouble In Little China, Blue Velvet, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Labyrinth, Laputa: Castle in the Sky, Manhunter, Platoon, Raw Deal, Stand By Me and Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.

Now that’s a great year for movies and that’s just the movies I could find with a little help from Wikipedia but 1986 doesn’t end there here’s a list of movies from that year I’ve watched more than once but haven’t watched recently:

8 Million Ways To Die, April Fool’s Day, At Close Range, Avenging Force, Back To School, Biggles: Adventures In Time, Clockwise, Cobra, Colour of Money, Critters, Crocodile Dundee, Deadly Friend, Delta Force, Down and Out In Beverley Hills, Eye of the Tiger, F/X, Firewalker, Flight of the Navigator, The Fly, Friday the 13th Part VI, Golden Child, Heartbreak Ridge, Heat, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Highlander, Hitcher, House, Howard the Duck, Invaders From Mars, Iron Eagle, Karate Kid 2, Martial Arts of Shaolin, Maximum Overdrive, Money Pit, Name of the Rose, No Mercy, Psycho 3, Salvador, Short Circuit, TerrorVision, Three Amigos, Tough Guys, Trick or Treat, Vamp and The Wraith.

What an amazing year, what great entertainment, enjoyable movie after enjoyable movie but, and like everything, crap stank up the year with Tom Cruise in Top Gun. I hated the movie in 1986 and nothing’s changed in 2016.

Let’s for the purpose of this post compare movies 1986 to movies 1996 to 2006 and 2016 and here’s a list of movies released in the year 1996 that I’ve watched and enjoyed:

Broken Arrow, Fargo, The Frighteners, Kingpin, Escape From LA, Bordello of Blood, Maximum Risk, Last Man Standing, The Ghost and The Darkness, The Long Kiss Goodnight, Bad Moon, Star Trek: First Contact, Scream, Bottle Rocket, First Strike and Hamlet.

1996 was not a great year for the movies and I watched a whole bunch that I really didn’t enjoy:

Twister, Trainspotting, The Rock, Phenomenon, The Phantom, Mission: Impossible, Michael Collins, Michael, Mars Attacks! The Island of Dr Moreau, Independence Day, From Dusk ‘Til Dawn, Eraser, Daylight, Chain Reaction and The Arrival.

The 1990’s was a dismal time for movies having said that what’s the 21st century been like? Let’s check out the 2006 movies I enjoyed:

Underworld: Evolution, Wristcutters: A Love Story, Inside Man, V For Vendetta, Slither, Lucky Number Slevin, Superman Returns, Clerks 2, Idiocracy, The Departed, The Prestige, Stranger Than Fiction, Casino Royale, Déjà Vu, City of Violence, The Host, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Paprika, Tekkon Kinkreet, Curse of the Golden Flower, Dragon Tiger Gate, The Election 2, Exiled, Children of Men, Thank You For Smoking and Pan’s Labyrinth.

Movies I didn’t enjoy:

Rocky Balboa, Tenacious D, Crank, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, X-Men: The Last Stand, The Da Vinci Code, Mission: Impossible 3 and The Hills Have Eyes.

Though it wasn’t a great year for English language movies there were a few foreign language gems. I especially have affection for The Host, Exiled, Dragon Tiger Gate, Tekkon Kinkreet and City of Violence.

This year I’ve watched and enjoyed:

Captain America: Civil War, Batman versus Superman, Monkey King 2, Midnight Special, Deadpool, London Has Fallen and 10 Cloverfield Lane. My favourite movie, so far, this year is Monkey King 2 though I didn’t mind the rest I must say Deadpool was proclaimed as an highlight but I preferred the much maligned Batman versus Superman, it’s my favourite comic book movie of the year. I watched all of these movies, except for Cap’ America, downloaded from the World Wide Web and I’ll probably use illegal downloading to view these:

Doctor Strange, The Magnificent Seven, Yoga Hosers, Suicide Squad, Jason Bourne, Star Trek Beyond, Green Room, The Nice Guys, X-Men: Apocalypse and a big bunch of horror movies, I’m especially looking forward to watching the South Korean movie Train To Busan, from the trailer it looks insane.

Train To Busan

And of course there’s Star Wars: Rogue One, I wasn’t impressed with Godzilla, stories of re-writes and re-shoots don’t fill me with confidence but it’s Star Wars I’ll end up watching it at the pictures.

Conclusion

Though the 21st century can’t compare with the Eighties, movie wise, it does seem a tad more interesting than the 1990’s.

The Outsiders

 Outsiders

Being a fan of pop culture it’s always apparent that geeks/nerds are presented as outsiders and I’m sure in some cases it’s true in the real world. I think of myself as an outsider, I don’t get along with my fellow humans, I like being an outsider if I could I wouldn’t speak or even see another human ever again and I wouldn’t feel sad or lonely.

Naturally I don’t have many friends it’s always been hard connecting with people I’ve never felt alien instead I’ve always felt others were alien.

These feelings of being an outsider don’t cause me inner, or outer, turmoil or any kind of pain I don’t feel the need to change anything or to try and belong to anything, we are what we are and we should be happy with who and what we are. I don’t feel like I’m missing out on anything, it’s my desire to be an outsider, almost a choice but really it’s just a part of who I am.

I notice my outsider-ness all the time but especially when I’m around other people, work is all kinds of awkward unless I’m on a night shift all alone, travelling from one space to another is also cause for concern there’s this feeling I sometimes have that other people know I’m somehow different, an outsider, and the occasional stare from people makes it seem like they possess a supernatural ability to recognise someone different from what they are.

In the movie Midnight Special the little kid, Alton, explains that there’s a world built on top of our own and there are people there that watch us, they’ve watched us for a very long time, and that’s how I feel every day like we’re being watched from somewhere else, Highfather and the rest of The Qunitessence watching us from a higher dimension observing our interactions with each other and those dissimilar from us and perhaps judging us but without interfering.

This feeling of being watched by a higher power leads to a kind of disconnection with reality like I’m part of it but outside of it at any minute I could just disappear or fall apart into individual atoms and dissipate into the ether. This feeling has caused a few very weird experiences on regular occasions reality looks like a two dimensional image like I’m watching it on a cinema screen it’s not an altogether safe experience it happens at the most inopportune times like when I’m navigating a busy road, on one occasion it occurred when a female jogger was running towards me and she kind of jumped, you know when a movie at the pictures suffers a sudden bracing fault and the picture jumps beginning again several seconds earlier, it caused me to stare in disbelief but the female jogger probably figured I was a pervert.

But I’m not.

Honest.

For some outsiders perhaps they don’t wish to be an outsider maybe they want to be part of the gang, have the sexy girlfriend/boyfriend, get invited to all the cool parties, but if people are outsiders and want those kinds of things they’ve obviously got to change who they are and then work at being someone different though why they’d want to be someone different is beyond me people should just be happy with who they are regardless of what anyone else, and society, thinks.

Being an outsider builds character, or so I choose to believe, and also self-reliance, being an outsider there’s no one I can rely on for anything, no one I can ask for a hand when I fall, and I like that knowing that when the worst times hit there’s no one to lean on I’ve got to steady myself and be strong enough to carry on, I like that anything I achieve is just that my achievement without anyone else able to share credit, that when moments of complete loneliness occur, and those moments occur for everyone, instead of being afraid I’m instead all embracing of those wonderful moments.

There’s nothing wrong with being an outsider like there’s nothing wrong with being homosexual, overweight, uncool, good at something, useless at most things these worlds we live in are false created to trap us and keep us from being who we are and who we want to be.

We have to break free.